All of Me

I completely love this song.  I was reading a blog earlier from a blogger friend who asked for prayer for one of her friends whom experienced bad news regarding a pregnancy.  When I went to her friends page she had this song posted.  As I began to listen to the words I thought this is so fitting because I have been there.  No words can describe or comfort when you hear not so pleasing news regarding the health of your unborn child. I can remember being in that specific spot.  I can remember what I was wearing.  The song that was on the radio in the doctors office.  The look on the doctors face.  But most importantly I can remember the way my heart sank all the way past my toes.

The news was devastating at that point.  I didn't know what to do or say because I never imagined that me and Shawn would have to cope with a situation such as that. At that point in my life I allowed the news of my pregnancy to dictate everything and I do mean everything.  As much as I tried to be my normal self something inside of me changed forever. 

After the loss, I never wanted or thought I would have the experience of being a mother.  I kept telling myself that my nieces and God-children would be it for me.  As much as I kept trying to reassure myself that was all I wanted something inside of me kept bringing up the promise that God had given me years before my loss. The promise that God spoke at that time seemed so unreachable.  I never thought that I could allow myself to become attached to a little one again.  It hurt too much. The pain was unbearable. 

I had no clue that God was doing something in the midst of my pain.  Somewhere along the way, God began to turn my heart-ache into a love for His children.  And that was only the beginning.  He began birthing spiritual things within me.  God began making room for my spiritual gifts to be used for His glory.  I had the wonderful opportunity to teach His children, minister to His chosen people and He even granted me grace to share my testimony to encourage others.  God turned around what I thought was an impossible situation into a glorious testimony.

Now, years later, God has chosen to take my heart towards Him and given me the desire to share it with two babies who have never experienced a mother's love.  It is mind boggling to me.  I never thought that I would open my heart up again after my past but God has chosen this journey for me.  I love this song because it makes me think about our children to come. 

The Lyrics of the song say:

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
(Chorus)You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you
ChorusHeaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
Chorus (X2)

It's where I'll start

I am so grateful that God knows what is best for my life.  Many people have been asking about this journey and unfortunately I can not explain completely how we got here.  But because God has allowed us this opportunity I refuse to hold anything back.  I trust God with me.  And no matter the time frame, the end date, and how God chooses to wrap it up, it is well with me.  God knows the timing and even knows those two beautiful babies that are set aside just for the Rounds team to love, nurture and raise.  So this next phase of the journey, I plan on tackling with a patient mindset, trusting heart, and prayerful spirit because I choose to give J&J all of me.  Not holding back anything.  Showing them the Love, Grace and Mercy of God.