All of Me

I completely love this song.  I was reading a blog earlier from a blogger friend who asked for prayer for one of her friends whom experienced bad news regarding a pregnancy.  When I went to her friends page she had this song posted.  As I began to listen to the words I thought this is so fitting because I have been there.  No words can describe or comfort when you hear not so pleasing news regarding the health of your unborn child. I can remember being in that specific spot.  I can remember what I was wearing.  The song that was on the radio in the doctors office.  The look on the doctors face.  But most importantly I can remember the way my heart sank all the way past my toes.

The news was devastating at that point.  I didn't know what to do or say because I never imagined that me and Shawn would have to cope with a situation such as that. At that point in my life I allowed the news of my pregnancy to dictate everything and I do mean everything.  As much as I tried to be my normal self something inside of me changed forever. 

After the loss, I never wanted or thought I would have the experience of being a mother.  I kept telling myself that my nieces and God-children would be it for me.  As much as I kept trying to reassure myself that was all I wanted something inside of me kept bringing up the promise that God had given me years before my loss. The promise that God spoke at that time seemed so unreachable.  I never thought that I could allow myself to become attached to a little one again.  It hurt too much. The pain was unbearable. 

I had no clue that God was doing something in the midst of my pain.  Somewhere along the way, God began to turn my heart-ache into a love for His children.  And that was only the beginning.  He began birthing spiritual things within me.  God began making room for my spiritual gifts to be used for His glory.  I had the wonderful opportunity to teach His children, minister to His chosen people and He even granted me grace to share my testimony to encourage others.  God turned around what I thought was an impossible situation into a glorious testimony.

Now, years later, God has chosen to take my heart towards Him and given me the desire to share it with two babies who have never experienced a mother's love.  It is mind boggling to me.  I never thought that I would open my heart up again after my past but God has chosen this journey for me.  I love this song because it makes me think about our children to come. 

The Lyrics of the song say:

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
(Chorus)You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you
ChorusHeaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
Chorus (X2)

It's where I'll start

I am so grateful that God knows what is best for my life.  Many people have been asking about this journey and unfortunately I can not explain completely how we got here.  But because God has allowed us this opportunity I refuse to hold anything back.  I trust God with me.  And no matter the time frame, the end date, and how God chooses to wrap it up, it is well with me.  God knows the timing and even knows those two beautiful babies that are set aside just for the Rounds team to love, nurture and raise.  So this next phase of the journey, I plan on tackling with a patient mindset, trusting heart, and prayerful spirit because I choose to give J&J all of me.  Not holding back anything.  Showing them the Love, Grace and Mercy of God.

Unworthy but Adopted

"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Revelation 5:1

Have you ever just sat and thought about what eternity really looks like?  I mean I know that we speak of eternity often in my house but to picture living in eternity.....wow.  The Lord laid upon my heart Revelation 4 this morning.  When I turned to the scripture the title in my Bible above the chapter said "The Throne in Heaven" I immediately started smiling.  As I read Revelation 4, my spirit became so overwhelmed with joy.  Tears of Joy literally because I know without a shadow of doubt that He is coming back for me.

I have gotten to the point in my life that I recognize that God has chosen me.  He chose me and adopted me into His family.  I am one of the most fortunate people because I bare His name.  There are certain things that He has in store for me just because I am His child.  The greatest thing about God adopting me is that He knew well before I did the plans that He had in store for my life.  He knew that a wayward, naive, spunky, and energetic lost girl would need Him more than life itself.

Adoption is one of the greatest gifts that God gave to me.  To be a part of the body of Christ means the world to me.  I am an heir of God. 

This adoption journey is two fold for me and Shawn.  First we are able to love across borders and boundaries to show two littles that they are worth waiting for.  I want our children to understand that God loves them so much that He decided to use two unlikely people to show forth the heart of God.  God's love is unconditional, ever constant and very patient.  Secondly, this journey is allowing God to perfect Shawn and I even more.  Molding our hearts, Transforming our minds, and conforming our will to be more like His is what we are learning through this journey.  This adoption story is not just a story about J &J but also their mommy and daddy. 

While we are learning to listen to the voice of God directing us daily.  He is preparing us to be exactly what J & J need.  When we told God yes, we meant it wholeheartedly without hesitation.  Why you ask? Well because we are adopted by the great I AM and he has never forsaken His children.  We are enlarging our love to serve like Jesus.

Want to Make You Smile

Matthew5:14-15, " But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

Right before I started this entry the Lord began dealing with me about my thoughts.  I don't know if you have ever experienced being thrown into a fight without a just cause, but that is how I felt this past week.  I think that is why God gave me the scripture He did on Sunday.  He knew what I would face this week regarding the secret enemies that plot out surprise attacks.  It is very hurtful when you are thrown into a situation that you did not start, have no part in but yet and still the problem is there.  And Must be dealt with. 

When I started this entry I really had it in my heart to blast those that continuously speak out of ignorance.  Being brought up in my household my parents made it very clear to me that you should think before you speak.  I can recall having conversations with my grandmother about how "ladies" should act.  The do's and don'ts of being ladylike and although I did not like it at the time I appreciate all of those lessons now.

I kept thinking about this one particular individual who constantly has a problem controlling the things that come out of her mouth and it baffles me.  So I  began to look at the word of God to see what it says about this terrible condition.  At the end of my studying I realized that some people choose to be out of order and it is because of their pride.  The Bible says, "In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them."

So now instead of dealing harshly with this person the Lord is requiring me to pray even more for them.  I recognize that is contrary to our fleshly desires, my fleshly desires, but my spirit wants to line up so tough with God's that there is NO EXCUSE for God not to be happy with me. 

I began to think about these life lessons that everyone face and what I will tell my children at that appointed time.  I am grateful for these experiences I have had with ignorance and other's choices that have affected my life.  My hope is that I am able to find the good in it to share a testimony to my children of how God will fight every battle.  That when the enemy comes in like a flood the Holy Gost will rise a standard against it.  That I can say without a shadow of doubt that "No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper."

It is definitley true that all things work together for good, even those situations that are uncomfortable, hurtful and demeaning.  God Reigns and ultimately He has the last say in every situation. So I would encourage you, if you ever encounter ignorance...Pray for it, them, the issues and watch God move!   He is faithful to do what he has promised he would do.

Going, Fighting and Saving

"For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you" Deuteronomy 20:4


I was at home today and thinking about the goodness of Jesus and the Lord brought this scripture to my heart.  I was so grateful that God chose that specific moment to encourage me.  It was a moment in time that He reserved just for Him and me.  I began to seek him about this season in my life and how this word applies to me right now.  I began to ask God for understanding and wisdom to apply this word to my life.

At first I was rather bewildered because I am not going through any catastrophic events in my life right now.  I really wanted understand why out of all the things the Lord wanted me to focus on at that moment was this scripture.  So I did what I do, I began to praise Him.  Although I was still looking for direction I began to praise Him because He chose to spend time with me and speak.  That is one of the things that I love about this loving God that I serve.  He is not at all out of reach, He sees all, knows all , hears me when I cry and yes.........He even STILL SPEAKS TODAY! 

About an hour in a half later as I was still before God thanking Him for so many things the Lord brought revelation to me.  Often times I think of enemies as those people, things, concepts that are blatantly fighting against you.  The thing that you can noticeably identify as the opposing team and you do everything in your power to stand your ground.  But today, God started revealing those enemies that are somewhat secretive.  The enemies that are camouflaged in the background that are harder to see and even harder to fight.  These specific kinds of enemies are known to commit what are referred to as sneak attacks and before you notice they are there the damage has already been done.

The enemies that the Lord wanted me to deal with were just as real and a threat as those enemies that I notice daily.  As I began to identify different enemies and even the tactics that were being used I thought, "God no wonder you have to go with me because I can't do this alone."  This scripture's meaning is so much more profound to me.  Because it is saying that God is not just going once, but He is continually, purposefully going with you and me.  What is the purpose you ask?  Well to fight FOR you against your enemies.  What is the end result?  To save you. 

The end result makes it all worth it.  All of the fighting, the denying, the crucifying flesh daily, the cares of this life, and all of the other things that you and I  have to deal with  in this daily walk can sometimes be a little heavy.  I have my good days and bad days just like everyone else, however, the cause of why I choose to live the way I do is because I know the One who is fighting for me to save me.  Life is life and we are not in control of it at all.  To be truthful, I don't want to be...that is way too much pressure.  But I am grateful that the great I AM is still choosing to go with me and is saving me.

The same God that is going with me is also the same God that has made this promise to my children.  Yes, although they are millions of miles away God is promising that he is fighting for them.  And not just fighting for them, but is fighting the secretive enemies that we don't always talk about.  The outside environment in Ethiopia normally gets a lot of publicity.  The number of cases of AIDS, malnutrition, malaria, poor health care, even poorer education system, poverty.....but God is promising to not only save from the outside environment but God is fighting the spiritual things that we are blinded by.  God is fighting the generational curses, the set ups by the enemy, the spirits that are unlike Him..........

That is just the kind of God that I serve.  He is not concerned with just the outward appearance but He is dealing with the things that touch our hearts.  God is good!  Even those secret enemies don't stand a chance when you allow God to fight your battles.  I can't wait to tell J and J the promise that God revealed to me today.  As Shawn and I get closer and closer to bringing J and J home from Ethiopia, God continues to give me hope that He has not forgotten me, Shawn or even many many miles away....J and J.

Finally! It's Done!

First of all, let me say that I have never been a quitter, however, in this situation I must calmly bow out.  I have been a competitor for the majority of my life.  I began competing in gymnastics sice the age of 6 and I have traveled everywhere competing on many different levels in this sport.  From gymnastics I transitioned to Cheerleading my sophmore year in High School.  Even then, cheerleading became much more to me than a seasonal football or basketball game.  I fell in love with the competition of the sport.


 

I found out pretty early on in my life that something in me is motivated by  competiton.  My drive, motivation and perserverance is charged at the thought of giving it my all and acknoweldging that I worked hard to get where I am  or was.  However, I have quickly learned that this is not anything like what I have experienced in the beginning stages of my life. 

When one contemplates quitting many things must come to mind before the action takes place.  For me, I quickly realized how pointless it would be to remain in the competition when ultimately I would lose out anyway.  About 7 years ago I began to realize that my life was not going where I planned.  I had a story book childhood filled with laughter, great memories and love.  Even as I reflect on high school I have no complaints.  I was surrounded around great friends, involved in many community events and was even given freedom to be "me."

It was not until 7 years ago when I realized that the life I had been living would soon come to an end.  It was then that I realized that Jesus was requiring me to lay down my life and choose a life of servitude.  From that point on until today I have quit my old life wiith no regrets.

I am grateful that this was the decison that God made for my life.  Many still can't understand how someone like me has decided to live this life according to God's word.  However, the decision I made was quite easy.  I soon wanted my desires to be the desires of God's and I wanted my life to live fulfilling the word of God.

My heart began to change and my will broke unto this new form of living.  I experienced a heart transplant and it was one of the major turning points in my life.  David said it best, "Create in me a new heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."  My new heart has allowed me to look at the decisions of my life differently. 

And that is why this adoption journey is so important to me.  I keep hearing the word of God say "Defend the poor and the fatherless: do justce to the poor and the needy."  And if you continue to read Psalms 82 you will see that it is important to use the power that God has given us to do good.  I firmly believe that where someone is born should not dictate their  destiny. 

And that is why God commands us to love the least of these. Unfortunately, many orphans, an estimated 5 million, have the cards stacked against them. Once God opened my eyes to this I couldn't turn back.  My heart goes out to the children that are orphaned no matter the reason. 

As Mother's Day is celebrated tomorrow I can't help but to think of the mother of those 5 million orphans.  Many of the mothers chose to relinquish their child or children so that they could have the possibility of life.  I have learned that as I advocate for the orphaned children my heart is overwhelmed for the parents involved as well.  So with that this quote comes to mind:

I am only one, but I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but I can do something.

And I will not let what I cannot do

interfere with what I CAN do.

~Edward Everett Hale

I love living my life to serve, worship and to open my heart to the least of these.....

The Set Up

Shawn and I renewing our vows in South Beach, FL in September 2011

Looking back on August 18, 2006, I had no idea what lay ahead of me on this wonderful journey of marriage.  I can recall thinking that Shawn and I would eat dinner together every day at the table, he would be everything that I ever thought a "Disney" prince would be....and I of course would be his "Disney" princess. 

When I was a child I remember thinking how I wanted to grow up and be just like some characters I often saw in the movies.  I never once imagined that "Belle" was a figment of someones imagination and that real love actually must be tested.  Over the past 5 almost 6 years I have found that the love that Shawn and I share has been tested, tried, and tested again. 

When we entered into marriage, we never once thought that the fairytale romance that we were in would have to face some really dark days.  I think every relationship must go through its own set of test and trials. But through them you become unified and refined even more for the purpose in which you were brought together.



This is one of my favorite picutres of the day.  A love that is standing the test of time.


Over the course of the years I have learned the most about myself, Shawn and most importantly God.  One thing I really had to learn and accept was that if the test is there, God had to allow it to touch my life for a reason.  That is a really hard pill to swallow....especially when things don't make sense.  Especially when you are doing all you know to do to be right and yet and still its one thing right after the other.  Trust me...I have been there. 

But through it all I can say that when I was speechless, heart broken, disappointed, angry, shattered and frozen in disbelief, that very thing was a set up to push me into the next phase of my life.  You see for me its all about worshiping and serving this magnificent God who I have learned to love with my whole heart.  And honestly I didn't start off there.  But through the trials of life, I can honestly say that the set up allowed me to know who i am, who I belong too, and who God is to me. I've learned what love truly is and if it wasn't for the set up....I'm not quite sure I would be where I am today.

As I am thinking about how God has set up my life according to his perfect will and plan for me...I can't help but to think of my babies. I don't believe in coincidences or luck. However, I do believe in God's divinity and all knowing power.  With that said, our babies, who are being birthed in a place that has roughly 58 million people with 30 million of those individuals under the age of 18.  Birthed in a place that is one of the top five countries that have the most deaths of children under the age of 5.  Birthed in a place where most people live on less than $2 US dollars a day. Our babies are being set up for a powerful testimony.  They will be able to tell others how they were predestined to be born in such an adverse environment and then how God rescued them by his Grace and Mercy.

Much like their mommy and daddy, J and J will be able to stand before many people and speak about how God kept them through the storms of life.  I love the testimony that Shawn and I have been given.  We can stand and say that even when most people counted us out....God had other plans, He sent forth help, strength, a mind and heart to forgive and much more.  God is faithful.  He chose two unlikely people to show forth His glory.  God is good!  I have learned that God not only gave me my "Disney" prince which I hoped for but he also gave me exactly what I needed to make this journey.  The Set up.......



Predestined for the set up.....



It's all about the "set up". Being able to look at your current circumstance and realizing that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He is in control of the good days, bad days, lazy days, slow days, hectic days, sleepy days, and you fill in the blank days.  He is in control.  It is His set up.  And we have to learn how to sit back and enjoy the ups and downs of life's journey.  After all it is all for His glory!

Chosen

I haven't blogged in quite sometime, not because my heart wasn't in it, but because I was taking time to reflect.  Everyone needs time to reflect every now and then.  As I was reflecting on the journey I kept thinking how my life is full of "next steps."  Next steps consist of ministry steps, home life steps, career and also with my personal relationship steps.  Have you ever thought about what it takes to complete the next step?  Well, this is what I have been pondering....what does it take for me to take the next step and be victorious.  As long as I pondered I always came back to one word and that is FAITH. 

I am convinced that my life is full of faith to faith steps.  God designed it this way.  I started off on level 1 and I had to believe God for what I would consider the small things.  I had no ideal that He was tailoring me to have faith for the humongous steps in my life.  Faith, "is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen."  As I resight that verse in my head I begin to think about the wonderful up and down journey that Shawn and I are learning to embrace. 

When you embrace something you are encircling the item that you are embracing.  For some, I know that this journey is still a little weird.  And honestly at times it is overwhelmingly humbling.  I am humbled at the choice God has made for our life.  Because God has chosen this route for us we are learning to trust Him through the process.  The process to obtain a promise is not always an easy one, however, any thing worth having is worth fighting for.  Embracing the next step is the phase in my life that I am in. As I am embracing the next step I am totally engulffed in the will of the Lord. 

Many of you have asked "How did we end up here...at the decision to adopt." "And specifically adopt internationally?" I thought I would share our story with you.  Well, some of it. :-)  Before Shawn and I were married, we talked about the option of adopting.  I told him that it has always been something in me that was interested in helping a child that has little to no hope.  Little did we know that conversation would spark a seed that began to grow and grow.

Here we are six years later. Over the course of life's troubles and blessings God opened up the door for us to adopt internationally.  (Many people are not knowledgeable of the benefits of an intercountry adoption opposed to a domestic adoption. There are some vast differences involved.) I began to research and pray about the many countries available, and my heart was drawn towards Ethiopia.  Many people might remember the famine in Ethiopia in 1984, but it wasn't the devastating circumstances that caught my eye.   I was drawn towards the culture, their own way of living (13 month calendar year), and the vast hills and wildlife that one can find there. It doesn't stop there,  the beautiful country of Ethiopia has a rich Judea-Christan history. 

It's amazing as I started to research the country I fell in love with it....hence my blog title.  So we began this journey a little over 4 months ago. During the 4 months we have experienced many great moments and also moments that push you into prayer even more.

This week Shawn and I received news of a possible wait time increase.  At first Shawn and I were devestated. I asked a few close friends and family members to pray.  And today, four days later I feel that God has strengthened us even more for this journey.  All things work together for the good of those who love God and are the called according to His purpose.  With that said, I know that God specifically called us for this work. He has chosen our two Ethiopian jewels to travel half way across the world for a purpose.....to be saved. 

What an awesome God we serve.  He is so mindful of the smallest things!